Dear nice lady in the Wal-Mart parking lot who bit my head off,
I did not steal your Very Close Parking Space on purpose. For some reason, I thought you were holding up the entire line of cars because you were waiting for that handicapped car to back out. I’m not sure why I thought that. Perhaps it’s because you were waiting behind that space with your blinker on for several minutes. Unfortunately, they sat there motionless, unable to back out because you were too close to them. You couldn’t back up because I was behind you, and so on. So what did I do? Well, naturally, when I saw that minivan back out a few spaces up, I went around you so I wouldn’t be in anyone’s way anymore. How was I supposed to know you didn’t have one of those little blue handicapped tags dangling from your rearview mirror? Too bad I realized a bit too late that I had completely ruined your entire day, and that you had, in fact, laid claim to said Very Close Parking Space an hour ago, when you started holding up the line. You made your message bitterly clear by laying on your horn and waiting for me to get out of the car. Oh, and there was also that bit where you informed me (loudly and with pointed finger, might I add) that I am, “VERY, VERY RUDE!” I’ll be the first to admit it wasn’t the nicest thing to do when I decided not to move my car after your yelling fit, but seriously. I was only trying to get out of the way, and I could have gotten my green beans and been back on the road in the year that spanned while I sat behind you in the lot. I hope your legs didn’t wither as you walked the extra ten feet to the door, after you quickly found that spot a few spaces over.
The Girl in the Sweaty Green Shirt