Pat Benatar’s Coffee Slave

27 Jul

Attention, Snooty Blonde Woman who wiped out the entire pastry case at Starbucks:

Riding here in a limousine does not give you the right to treat the employees (namely, my friend Wanda) like dirt.  Don’t deny it – I was behind you in line, and heard every word while starving to death.  Okay, not to death.  But starving.  

So what if you are Pat Benatar’s* coffee slave?  It’s not generally considered nice to order the staff around, then ask, “Have they started my cups** yet?”  First of all, the “they” of whom you speak is Wanda, who is currently bagging your two trillion pastries, so no, she has not started your cups.  And when she replies it will take four years (ahem, minutes) for your coffee to brew – since you need gallons of it – realize that Starbucks was not warned they would get hit by Hurricane Coffee Slave today.  

Appropriate ways to treat your barista include the following: gratitude, in abundance.  A non-demanding attitude***.  Not taking ten minutes to order when you see Wanda is the only one available to ring people up, and that a line has formed behind you to the door.  While I’m on the subject of lines – next time, it might be a good idea to step aside when you wait for your order, too.  It looked like Wanda was having a hard time taking everyone else’s requests while you waited (impatiently) for your coffee right in front of her cash register.  Just a thought.

So, in case you’re wondering, everyone in the entire building watched your drama unfold.  Of course, I heard every word because I was behind you the whole time****.  Even though the lowly baristas didn’t look like you’d offended them, there is indeed a reason you carried your spoil back to the limo all by yourself: solidarity.

It’s a good thing I wanted oatmeal, since you took all the scones.   

In the future: be nice, and the world will carry your coffee for you.  You will spill less, and therefore become a happier person.

All my best wishes,

The Girl with the Growling Stomach


*Hearsay.  A woman in the drive-through told my friend Ann, who told me.  Pat Benatar, if your coffee slave is a charming angel, my sincerest apologies.  

**”Started my cups?”  For future reference, this doesn’t really make sense.  Do you mean, “Started making my drinks?” or “Did she get my order?”  How, exactly, does one start a cup?

***This means, you say, “May I please have…” instead of, “Give me this, that, and every one of those, at this very instant.  Please grow three more arms, while you’re at it.”


4 Responses to “Pat Benatar’s Coffee Slave”

  1. waggledance Tuesday / 28 July 09 at 5:22 am #

    Well done! Bet you wished you could have said it to her face. Some people are just sooooooooooo *********.

  2. owlandsparrow Tuesday / 28 July 09 at 8:20 am #

    Disclaimer: Years of customer service has led me to the brink of impatience with people in coffee shop lines. I would probably only say something like this to someone after several repeated incidents, and even then, it would take MUCH nerve (and coffee) to prepare me for it. 🙂 But, you’re right, I do wish I could have said it to her face, because she was rather rude to my friends. I do not, however, wish for the consequences of having an angry limo snob on my hands – so thank goodness for creative outlets like blogging!! 🙂

  3. sherrymeneley Tuesday / 28 July 09 at 8:46 pm #

    There is an unstated rule that everyone needs to know. You can order only as many drinks as you can carry (which should be two…) And only as many pastries as drinks. The ONLY exception is also getting a premade lunch (cheese plate or sandwich).
    These are important and universal rules. Intentional disregard should lead to excommunicated from the church of SB.
    5-Days-A-Week: Iced Venti Passion, 4 Equal, Light Ice – Girl

  4. jenniferneri Tuesday / 28 July 09 at 8:56 pm #

    pay it forward….love that movie!

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