Anxious.

11 Sep

Have you ever had one of those days where you absolutely cannot focus on anything, no matter how much you want to?  I’m, unfortunately, experiencing this blissful feeling at this very moment.  Wait, did I say blissful?  I think I meant torturous.

It’s not so much that I can’t focus on anything.  It’s more like everything I should be focusing on is covered with a piece of paper, and there’s this toothpick-sized hole pricked in its center, through which I can only see one thing.  And that one thing I see?  It has nothing to do with writing, nothing to do with working out, nothing to do with my blog, even.  It’s something I am anxious to hear back on, and am compulsively checking my email for word of good news.  I really shouldn’t be anxious, because I probably won’t find anything out until tomorrow.

But it’s a big deal.

Such a big deal that I’m hesitant to even tell you about it, because it might jinx me, or at least get my hopes up too high to even mention it.  I promise, I’ll tell you after the waiting is over, even if I am passed over and feel embarrassed.  

I think I need to find a safe place, a place void of email and the Internet, a place where I am deprived of this fruitless compulsory obsession.  I want to write, I need to write, and I just can’t think here, today.  Sigh.

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One Response to “Anxious.”

  1. Merrilee Friday / 11 September 09 at 7:18 pm #

    I’m with you there. Waiting for news can focus our attentions like no other event 🙂

    Good luck! Go read a book, or take a walk, or have a long soak in the bath.

    It’s no good saying don’t obsess, because you will anyway 🙂

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